Last night I was going to the bathrooom to take a leak. When I was standing there, I felt like I was going to pass-out; however, I had just started urinating after a very challenging start. Having accomplished starting going, I certainly didn't want to stop. I figured I could complete the stream and then lay down.


I regained consciousness after I was sitting on my ass with my back against the floor.

Holy shyte.

Note to self, If I feel the urge to pass out, immediately lay down.

Don't complete the stream, don't think about trying to put it off. LAY THE FSCK DOWN!

Worst part of it all isn't that I passed out, but my ass hurts...really bad. I musted of landed on the corner where the tile meets the floor. I'm in pain here, but I didn't want to take any pain management for fear of something being wrong. I won't be able to until tonight after the kids go to bed.

Oh, do I mention what I think caused it? I found a dent in the roof of my 15 day old 2015 Explorer. Gdmfsob! It'll have to be returned at the end of lease. I don't see how that can even be fixed (without using bondo). Worst part is the dent is partially under the roof rack. It's utterly fscked beyond fscked. It's driving me nuts. I will figure out who did it. I'm working on converting the videos. Ruin my car and cause me so much distress that I end up passing out?

I am going to figure out who ruined my absolutely brand new car with their ignorance and stupidity.

The new car will have to go back after the three-year lease, as I can not live with it anymore.

Thank you for ruining the new car, whomever is responsible. I WILL FIND OUT!


Though I'm not part of the study

I am on extended dosing, and the results are GOOD! There have yet to be any incidents of PML in the extended dosing group!


The Attack That Changed Me

Ah yes, memories. Of the horrible, nightmarish sort. The kind you want to forget...but you never will.

I'm talking about one of my few episodes of Multiple sclerosis. Its all sort-of fuzzy at this point, as it was certainly not an easy time. I remember having two major episodes before I started a DMT. One of which messed up my vision pretty horribly. I remember trying to go to work, and when I was backing up my nissan pickup, I backed into the wall of the house. Turned my truck off and had my wife drive me to work. I ended up powering through that episode only to have the next one affect me in ways I couldn't fathom. It, my last attack, had changed who I am at the very basic levels of being human. It took from me the ability to make small talk. The basic banter between two people. The kind of talk that doesn't matter, but fills the silent pauses between two people. You don't realize how much small talk squelches those periods of silence until you can't do it anymore. Now my life is filled with awkward silences. I'm getting used to it, but I doubt everyone else has. I like to think I'm fairly adept at hiding my shortcomings. Sort-of tucking them under the rug.

No matter, where was I. Perhaps I was talking about my lack-of-concentration or focus, or I'm not even sure what to call it. I'm starting to feel like a burn-out. I can't hold onto my thoughts anymore. I'll remember I have to get something from the garage and when I walk into the garage I forgot what specific item for which I've gone into the garage. This isn't fun, and I'm getting sick of it. I have yet to find any memory or brain-aid to help with this problem from which I suffer. I don't foresee it getting any better either. This is my new normal. And just like the rest of you, it is ending one day at a time. As long as I don't come down with PML.

But lets end this pity-party on a good note. I'm still up and walking around unassisted. I'm riding my bicycle further and faster than I ever imagined. I'm (at least like to think) still above the mason-dixon line of intelligence. I have two children of which I am still able to care. I have a wife that cares for me and loves me. I am still self-able, for the most part.


Why is tysabri so scary?

PML and the withdrawl are just the surface.

Here is a partial list from MS-UK

Yes, it is working that well for me.


I'm glad...for now

That I haven't left the tysabri which has treated me so well, but does carry a PML risk. What with all these (two) fingolimod patients turning up with PML.


I subscribe

To the school of thought that you need to bring you fight to your enemy. Then I saw this quote on shift.ms,

"Keep fighting your MS with strong therapy- the MS will be ‘fighting’ your brain everyday- whether you chose to treat it or not…"

So very true. And that's why I'm on the tysabri, which I can never get off, as I am scared to death of the so-called 'rebound relapse'. I don't want to go up on the EDSS.